I Have Stood Here Before Inside The Pouring Rain... [entries|friends|calendar] Jason Michalchek [ website | My ACTUAL Journal ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Just One New Song, Before I Forget It Like Many Others... [20 Jul 2005|05:03am] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | Jason Mraz - You And I Both ] Hey, Okay, so I can't remember if it was last night or the night before, but I was laying in bed and a song just kinda came into my head... not actually a whole song, but a chorus. It was late, and dark and such, and I didn't really wanna turn on a light and find some paper and a pen in order to write this song. At first I kinda thought, "What the hell? I will just let it go..." but then I really really felt like it needed to be written down, so, being the technologically advance person that I am, I wrote the entire song by text message on my cell phone and sent it all to my email. So, I figured at this point, since I am up anyway, I should prolly get this out of my email and onto some sort of page, (in this case, this journal,) before I forget and it gets deleted or something. So, here it is... ( Treatin' Me Bad ) I dunno why, but for whatever reason I felt really strongly about this chorus when it came into my head, and I still do. I dunno... it is something that if you heard it on the radio or something, at first listen, would just seem like a very flat, surface-based song, but once you actually paid a little more attention to the lyrics, you would see that it runs a little deeper than that. Not much deeper, but a little bit. It definitely has it's subtext, which really becomes the foretext in the end, kinda acknowledging that while someone else did take major part in damage being done, it really kinda is my own fault, and while yes, this person really should stop treatin' me bad, I really should stop treatin' me bad, too. Like, not taking yourself into consideration in a relationship can be just as bad, if not worse, than not taking the other person into consideration. I dunno... I like this song, though. I think it came out well, especially considering all the changes I had to make from the text code language into regular human language. Jason post comment

Wowza! Even More New Songs!... [10 Jul 2005|02:21am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Latoya London - Appreciate ] Hey Everybody! Okay, so this is kinda odd, but really really great. I am so excited about this, and really hope that it continues... I wrote not one, not two, not three, not four, but five brand new songs today at work... and I am actually really proud of three of them. Like, I dunno if anyone really understands unless they are songwriters themselves the amazing feeling that you get after writing something that you genuinely love. Something that you think could actually make a difference to somebody. I dunno how to explain it... It is just amazing. Anyway, I won't rattle on too long about that, but instead get right to the songs... ( This Time We've Shared ) This song is a little weird for me, and I don't really think I like it much. The first thing I have to share about it is that after it was written, I realised that the melody on the verses is actually not just similair, not just borrowed, but completely plagerised... It is the melody of the verses on Alexz Johnson's "24 Hours." Anyway, this song is partially fictional and partially truth. Like, it is hard to explain. I took a road trip recently with one of my best friends, and in certain ways I feel closer to her after this experience, but in some ways I don't. Like, I dunno. It is hard to explain. In some ways this song speaks exactly what I feel, but in some ways it speaks to exactly the opposite of what I feel. It is a strange thing. In any sense, it is a happy sappy little song. It is alright, I guess... ( Let Go ) After the song I posted yesterday or the day before, "Passive," I continued thinking about the ways that our pasts can affect our actions in the present. I dunno. Anyway, this song is also elaborating on that topic. This one is a lot lighter on it. This one is a little more focused on looking within and trying to change than that one was. It is kinda a softer look. Plus, while "Passive," was kinda meant to have a harder urban sound, this one would definitely be more guitar-based pop... kinda like something that would be on the new Backstreet Boys album, at least as far as the musical progression, the lighter acousticy verses and buildup to a faster paced, large vocal chorus. I like this one. ( Don't Change ) This song is kinda interesting to me. I like it a lot. In fact, it is probably my favourite of the group. I think this is probably the first time I have written an angry song that I feel actually comes across as strong, and truly making it's statement. I think the reason for it is the underlying sadness in the song. It is about a few people I know who are absolutely great people, who just happen to be kinda confused about the proper way to live life. I mean, I think they are great people, and I am not judging them, but I see the way that they are living their lives and it bothers me, because they don't seem to see that they are so much better than the ways that they are living. I dunno. It makes me sad, and it pisses me off. I also have to add a little sidebar about the title, because it seemed a little clever to me... cos' I always find myself to be so clever. j/k, but seriously, the title is kinda a reference to yearbook signings, and things like that. When you are leaving someone, when you are leaving somebody you often say, "don't change," even if in all actuality you want them to change or know that they need to. The point is, though, that in yearbooks, when the year is ending, and you are leaving, you say "Don't Change." While the song never says anything about leaving these people behind, the title kinda implies it, in it's own way. I thought it was cool. ( I Hope You Know ) This one is also about the same friend who I went to Kentucky with. I think it is an alright song, same style as the one above. The one that I thought would have the similair sound to a new BSB track. I don't really wanna talk too much about this one. It says what it needs to. ( Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda ) This one is about a dude who, given the opportunity, I shoulda, coulda, woulda fallen in love with. I must say I came fairly close, but then he went away. Anyway, I recently found out that he is back, and it got me thinking about before. That is where this song came from. I really really like this one. A nice little urban sound... Anyway, I hope you all enjoy. I gotta go to bed. Jason post comment

The First New Song I Have Written In Quite A While... [08 Jul 2005|01:51am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Jason Michalchek - Passive ] Hey Nobody! This is the first new song that I have written in quite some time... I wrote it today between calls at my new job, which is cool. Maybe my new job has even more perks than I thought. Anyway, I am actually really really proud of this song. I think it came out very well, and while the melody still needs a bit of work, (and some slight reworking of s few of the lyrics,) I am actually extremely happy with it. There is not much more to say beyond that. ( Passive ) I think this song is pretty self explanatory, but it completely and perfectly reflects my emotional state these days. I always, rather firmly, believed that your past really had no affect on your present, unless you let it, but I have come to find over the past year, that your past affects every move you make. It is interspersed in every little facet of your life, and as your life goes on, the moments you are living now will be reflected in the things you do then. It is so strange to really think about the fact that every moment of your life has some sort of affect on who you are today, and who you are today will affect who you are 10 years from now, or 20 or 30 or 40 years from now. I dunno... but I do know that there is also a point where you have to not let those things affect you so much, and have the strength to not let fear of repeating the past stop you from creating the future. Wow! I sound like Sylvia Browne! :-P j/k. Anyway, again, I am really proud of that song, and hope that you, the non-existent person who actually reads this journal, enjoy it as much. Jason post comment

A New Song, Inspired By Some Old Songs... [10 Jan 2005|02:15am] [ mood | curious ] [ music | Rufus Wainwright - Gay Messiah ] Hey, Okay, oddly enough, I hadn't written a new song in quite some time. I am assuming it has to do with the distractions & stresses of day to day life as an "adult." Work, social life, responsibilities, etc, not only take up a lot of the time which would once have been spent writing, but it all leaves me drained and left without the energy to write. I also believe that, on some level, all of these things are not killing, but temporarily numbing my inspiration. Like, I am unable to express my feelings in song form, because I am so focused not on how I feel about the things that need to be done, but on actually doing them. It is really a strange transition for me, and hopefully today I have taken the first steps towards smoothing over that transition, as opposed to crashing into it as I always have before. Anyway, today I did not have to go to work until 3pm. Considering I woke shortly before 10:30, I was left with plenty of time to lounge around before work. So, I was going through my makeup/accessories box when I stumbled upon a piece of paper folded up inside. It had, each in it's own color, three songs I had written on it. They were the last three songs I had written, and the last songs posted in this journal, "Balloon," "Fooling Myself," & "Never There." Not only was each in a different color, but each had a different feel. And I was struck by how much the colors kinda contrasted with the themes of each song. So, I pulled out a colored gel pen, (a blue one, originally thinking I had a dark blue one, but it was more of a turquoise-ish color,) and wrote a song that I hoped would go with that color. I think it came out fairly well. ( Playing God ) Well, I think personally, that this song is fairly self-explanatory, however I do feel the need to state that in no way am I comparing myself to Jesus, nor am I comparing my "playing the victim" to Jesus' crucifiction. It is kinda like Tori Amos' statement in her song "Crucify," not actually about Jesus, but using him in a sort of symbolic way to emphasize the statement being made. I really don't know what to say about this song. It took very little effort, and it just kinda flowed through me. It was a very surreal experience, and it got me writing again, even if only for this one song. I dunno... we'll see. Jason post comment

A Few Songs Written At Work Today... [11 Oct 2004|10:13pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul ] Hey, I don't even want to go into any details of the day, but these songs are not about that. It was a very dark day for me, and the songs I wrote kinda suit that mood. I am very proud of these, especially the last one. The first is kinda less a song and more a poem, but again, I will shut up and just share. I am completely exhausted. I will just post these and go to bed. ( Balloon ) This song is really just barely an actual song. I gave it a melody, but a very brief melody. The words just kinda seem to flow into an automatic melody. I really like this one. The inspiration came at work, when I just randomly drew a heart, and the bottom was a little too long, so I turned it into a balloon. Then I wrote the first verse next to it. It sat at my desk for a few days, and eventually today, I just randomly found it and wrote a few more verses and a coupla bridges. ( Fooling Myself ) This song I can't decide whether it is meant as humour or to actually be taken literally. I kinda feel a little of both. I think overall it is my making a joke of the fact that I am seriously like this. I dunno. I just feel so stupid for it sometimes, but other times I just can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. I dunno. I am ridiculous. I am too tired to give real explanations. ( Never There ) This is most definitely my favourite of the group. I love this song sooo much. It is just kinda like me ripping my own heart out and laying it on paper for the world, (or the 3 people who read this journal,) to see. I love it. It drives me crazy! I don't know what to say. I really need to go to bed. I think the song speaks well enough for itself. Jason post comment

A Large Group Of Songs Written At Work... [17 May 2004|03:18pm] [ mood | heightened ] [ music | Alanis Morissette - Out Is Through ] Hey, I realise that this creative writing journal has kinda been neglected, but so has my creative writing in the past month or two... No longer, though. I have actually written a ton of new songs at work, cos' it is slow and we are not allowed to surf the net or read anything. It leaves me with plenty of time to write, and with the emotional ball I have been lately, (and have been always,) I have had plenty to write about. So, here goes... this is a big entry. ( Overwhelmed ) This song is kinda self-explanatory, but at the same time is very much not self-explanatory. It just kinda happened, and I didn't necessarily know where it was stemming from until later, after analyzing it a while. This song, to me, is about my feelings about my new job and my new life here in Florida. Things are so much different, and I am unsure of how to deal with it. I am feeling this rush of emotions, some brand new, some I just hadn't felt in a long time, but all of which are taking over my mind and putting me into a place where I just feel extremely confused, conflicted and overwhelmed. You will notice an ongoing theme in these songs that are kinda about my job, I think because 1) they were all written at work, and 2) this is the first time I have had a job that I take seriously. It is not all just for fun and games this time, and this is something very new to me. ( Meaningless ) This song, again, kinda stemmed from the job. Sometimes it feels like the fact that I aspire to be a singer/songwriter has kinda excused me from having to work, (at least in my own mind.) Like, I could think to myself, "Why do I need to be tied down to a job? I am a struggling artist!" Now, however, it sometimes feels like having a job kinda excuses me from being an aspiring singer/songwriter. Like, I could say, "Oh, I haven't written a new song in sooo long... but that's okay, I work now." I suppose I am simply still trying to find a balance between these two selves. You will also see a bit of a theme in that, as well, throughout these songs. My different selves, because frankly, there are too many of them not to let them all be expressed. ( Enraged ) This song is pretty self-explanatory. It is about a number of people. It is about pretty much every guy who I have been in love with, or had a little crush on, or just met once and got completely rejected by. I have this feeling, though, that when I get angry, it comes across as stupid and cheesy. I know I come across that way a lot of the time, and I am fine with that. It's just that being angry is one of the few times I don't want to come off that way. Oh well... this is prolly my least favourite of this group of songs. ( 4 Days ) Again, a song about work. Again, self-explanatory. The only interesting tidbit I could add about this song is that I wrote it after 4 days on the floor, (Duh,) and the numbers are all for 8 hours days, i.e. 34 hours. It makes sense, I swear. That includes 4 thirty minute lunch breaks. ( Gone Now ) This song is pretty self-explanatory. It is about a boy that I loved long ago and far away, who caused nothing but chaos in my life. It was simply really pretty chaos that I mistook for glitter. ( So Much More (Than Myself) ) Definitely a favourite of mine from this group. Such a heady, emotional song, yet so soft. That is my word for this song. It is soft. It is me at my gushiest, my saddest, my most mournful and my most honest. It's just me... stripped. hehehe. Anyway, this song is also fairly self-explanatory. I wrote this song about my best friend in the whole wide world, after the year we had and the self-discovery that went on, all the growing and changing and moving in different directions, this is how I feel. This is where I am at. ( Questioning Compromise ) This is another personal favourite. You lot may or may not notice the references littered throughout the song, but they are there. For one, the whole "shell" thing kinda stems from the fact that I work for Shell Energy Services, although this song is not actually about the job. It is simply a song about growing up, and what is something that kinda personifies being an adult? Working. Heh. There is also the line about dancing in the streets, which is not only referencing the classic song, but also referencing the night we camped out for Britney. Another thing I enjoy about this song is that it kinda expresses some of my beliefs and/or theories. For example, the "we" that is spoken of throughout the song is not myself and someone else, but myself and everyone else. This is also kinda reflected in the line "we'll all remain forever connected." Upon much analyzation and research and such, I have come to not believe in the soulmate philosophy, as in "one special one," but that we are all sharing one soul. Like, the creator, (in my own personal belief system, God,) created us all from one soul. It is my belief that we are all pieces of each other, and we are all connected in ways that we may never understand in our lifetimes. Not by meeting or forming some sort of relationship/bond/connection, but simply from all being the same being. Also, it is kinda a theory of mine that we are all kinda in this process of reverse metamorphosis, aka, a child is a perfect being. Babies are without sin, without corruption or any of that. It is my belief, or at least theory, that we start out as the butterflies, and slowly, as life tarnishes our spirits and corrupts our minds, we are all slowly reverting back to coccoon life, until inevitably we emerge as crotchety old caterpillars, slow paced, empty shells of what we once where. Not that old people are empty shells, but they are shadows of what they once were, and in many cases, they are something completely different from what they once were. I dunno... it is simply a thought I had and decided to elaborate on. ( Leaving Me Behind ) Heh. Heh. Heh. This song is not actually about work, but it is about someone at work. Don't worry... I am not actually this obsessed with him or anything, I just can easily put myself in a mind-frame of being so. hehehe. Seriously, though... hot guy at work, leaves a few hours before I do. It makes the last portion of the day go slower... what can you do? hehehe. This is me being a giddy little girl again. Don't make me talk about it anymore!!! ( Attention Seeking Whore (Unfinished) ) hehehe... by far, my personal favourite of the bunch. It is, as mentioned previously, another side of me. If I were to get a record deal today I would fight and fight and fight with my label to get this song put on my album. I definitely plan on expanding on this one, and as soon as I do, it will be posted here. I love it. It kinda stemmed from a conversation with the boy mentioned above, because it was all fine and dandy, but afterwards it dawned on me... "OMG! Am I trying too hard?" and one of the first thoughts that went through my mind was, "OMG! Does he think I am some attention seeking whore?" hehehe. So, as you can see, I have learned to embrace it! Just a fun song! ( Please Be ) Another song about my best friend. Another favourite of mine, for the same reasons as "So Much More." Enough said. Anyway, that is it for today. I certainly hope it was an enjoyable read for you lot. Whoever actually ends up reading this. Jason post comment

The First Non-Song To Be Posted In Here... [10 Mar 2004|10:22pm] [ mood | confused ] Okay, so this is the first thing I am posting that is not a song. It was originally meant as a song, but then it kinda became something else. I suppose I will call it a poem for now, or just randomness... ( Young & Dumb (& Full Of...) ) Okay, so I don't know if it comes across properly or not. I dunno if I even like this thing, but I wanted to post it, simply because I dunno what it is. It kinda started as simply a concept piece. Like, not something I had been to or related to in any way, but then it developed into kinda being about this person that I had a thing with a while back. In the end, tho, it became about a friend of mine who was mollested at a very early age. I dunno if it comes across or what, but there it is. Jason post comment

Another New Song I Wrote This Morning... [08 Mar 2004|07:02pm] [ mood | bored ] ( Reasons Not To ) Okay, so I woke up way way way too early this morning, (8:30ish IN THE AM,) cos' I thought that I was gonna go look for a job again... & again, I didn't get to do it. Anyway, before I realised that I wouldn't get to do it, I wrote this song. It is just about the feeling of kinda deadness in the morning & not wanting to do anything, which is not always, but sometimes can be a long term mind frame for me. There are many many days, sometimes lasting weeks at a time where I feel no ambition & no drive to do anything. It is definitely a shitty feeling, & I am hoping that once I get off of my ass & do something productive, it will stop. Who knows though? Sometimes I wonder if I, & others like me who feel this way, won't always feel this way, even when we are older & maybe even doing amazing things in the world, we won't still have those days or weeks where we have absolutely no passion or ambition or anything... sound depressed? Jason post comment

Another New Song That I JUST Wrote... [08 Mar 2004|04:13am] [ mood | content ] ( The Common Things ) This is a song I wrote about one of my two best friends, whom I am missing a lot lately. I feel as if I have upset her or let her down recently, (Okay, I don't feel as if so much as I know I did,) & it got me thinking about the differences & similairities between us. We DO have so much in common, but at the same time, we are two very very different people. It just reminded me how wonderful the relationship between us is, despite all of the bad times, we can always seem to look past them, accept our differences as us just being who we are, & move on greater than before. It is wonderful, & so I wrote this song as kinda a birthday present to her, because she really does mean the world to me & I want to make sure that she knows that. Jason post comment

A Couple Of The Songs I Have Written In The Past 2 Days... [08 Mar 2004|02:53am] [ mood | contemplative ] Okay, so here is my first entry in my creative writing journal... These are the 3 songs I wrote in the past coupla days that inspired the starting of this journal. Let's see how this feels... ( Not Particularly Selfish ) Well, if you read my personal journal, or if you know me, you know that I am going through a bit of a struggle with some new ideas that have come up... this song has kinda spawned from that... As I wrote the song, it started me thinking about how many times I have faced similair decisions in the past & had struggles similair to this one, which started me thinking about the decisions I made then. I cannot honestly say that I have regretted them, because they have shaped who I am today, but I have come to realise how incredibly selfish they were, & how this time, I don't wanna be selfish. I feel as if I have spent the bulk of my life considering only my own feelings, & I definitely wanna make an effort to stop that now. ( There Is No One ) This was one of those songs that just kinda came outta nowhere. I just began pouring my feelings onto the page & had to figure out who it was about afterwards... I figured out that this song relates to some of my feelings in the past towards one of the people I love most in this world, who I was always looking up to & seeking approval & acceptance from, & in many ways, trying to emulate. Our relationship seems to have grown past that now, but there was a time when they seemed to be hiding everything & seemed incredibly self-important, which made me, in trying to become like them, begin hiding everything & act incredibly self-important. If the person who I relate this to reads this, they will totally know that it is about them, & I hope will not be angry. It is about a different time in our lives, when things were much different than they are now! ( It's Cool ) If you read my personal journal then you will know the reference towards "the kid," & if you don't, all you really need to know is that he was a kid, it was a bad time & he was every kinda wrong for me, so of course I fell in love with him. I have only recently, (a few months back,) had closure in this matter & am now ready to move on, & write songs about the evils of loving the young. Also, a little side note on this song, unlike the first two, you will notice that the lyrics are a little less introspective & a little more pop... this song is not meant as some really deep experience of a song, it is simply meant as a fun, upbeat, "wannabe-old-school-motown-that-sounds-more-like-europop" type of song. Just so you aren't thinking, "God this sucks... being artsy my ass!!!" (side note to the side note, being artsy is meant as a joke anyway!) Alrighty, I think I am liking this... here's to many more new songs, old songs, stories, randomness & mainly, EMOTIONS to come in this journal! Jason 3 comments|post comment

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